Saturday, Nov. 15, 2008
how i wish you had the answers.

where do i start? was there even a beginning to start with? since that day when i first step into your life, into the attach life back again. i asked myself "what am i getting myself into again?" "will my heart be torn apart badly again?" "is the love really love?" "does she really love me?" all those being the usually asked questions, echoed in my head. i won't hide it as i was really happy when i was with you but were you?
how 'lost' you were not knowing which skin you were really in and to just flow along with the stem. straight, gay or bi? i wonder..
i asked myself did i fall in love with the real you or just a cover of yours in which i fell for.
surprisingly, i did stumble upon a sight of you which i haven't seen before. "was that the real you"? i asked myself. looking at you, you gave an ashamed look.
"so why are you so afraid of it?" i asked. that you which i encountered(even it being a split second) being the girl whom i want to love and be with. you said you dislike yourself being that way and how you couldn't stand 'the real you', your reactions to things. "so...?" i replied, knowing how sad i was feeling. "that you is whom i want to love and be with."
it hurts knowing how badly you cant accept that true self of yours yet still trying to change to another.. to fit in and to 'find yourself'.
hence the questions that still haunts me(even till now) are "did you even love me?" "was that real love?" "was that the real you loving me?" can you answer?
i regretted 1 decision which i made but I'm making up for it now. are you even appreciating it or just letting time settle it for you? maybe i should just let go.. and leave to fate to do the job.
how i wanted to look for you so badly with a surprise on hand(to ask you back with) but i didn't.. as i thought to myself "is it really worth it?" "would she even appreciate it or it being a short entertainment slide for her?"
how i realized i still have my sense of self-worth to keep and to not be a victim in regards to my own self doings.

5:37 pm

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